My Bradley Boy

My blue eyed baby

Bradley will be eight months old on Monday. That's 2/3 of a year. He will be one in four short months. I'm not ready for that.


I got a rare moment this afternoon. Bradley (much like Steven) is not the best sleeper. He usually requires swaddling and then will usually go to sleep fairly easy (although not for long). Today I've been trying to break him of the swaddle. I ended up with him cradled in my arms on my bed as he nursed and then slowly drifted to sleep, letting me know of it with his sweet contented little baby sighs. I didn't want to move. Not for fear of waking him and starting the exhausting process of putting him to sleep all over as is usually the case. No, I didn't want to move because it felt so good. His warm little body nestled in my arms, fitting so perfectly. I could see just enough of his face to capture all its sweetness. Why is it that with your first, time goes slow (well, not slow, but slow enough where you can capture things)? I feel like there are so many things I've missed out on with Bradley that I didn't with Steven. Or things that I was way on top of with Steven that Bradley might be behind in because I simply forgot to get him going on things since I'm too busy trying to survive the everyday that is caring for my boys. I don't want to miss anything and thinking of the little monuments in his life so far that may have gone unnoticed by me makes me sad. I think part of the reason they have gone unnoticed is there is a part of me that wants Bradley to be at the same place that Steven is without giving him the time and opportunity to go through the growth the way Steven did. On one hand I'm desperate for time to slow so I can see his time as a baby in full, yet I'm desperate for the practical parts of my life to get easier when he is out of the baby stage. Does this make sense?

It's been so long since I've had a moment like this with either of my children. Any other moms out there get what I mean? They get hundreds of kisses and caresses throughout the day. I say, "I love you" countless times, meaning every word. Yet, so much of my day is about meeting their basic needs, feeding them, bathing & changing them, getting them to sleep, kissing their "owies", and teaching them what to do and what not to do, that I don't see them. Notice their features, reflect on their emerging personalities as they learn more about this big, giant world around them.

However I need to do it (and I'm sure there are thousands of opinions on how best to capture every moment with your children), I intend to capture as many of these moments as possible. To not let opportunities for them to slip by and to be intenional about seeking them out.

For now, I'll just keep looking at a pair of adorable blue eyes, and remember that I only have them in this baby face for so long to admire.