My thoughts exactly....
Only she says it so much better: The Leaky Boob
I am part of an online pregnancy forum that I love. There are a great bunch of ladies on there that are always willing to offer real-world mommy advice. My only miff is that it seems all to easy to get lumped into "categories" based on your mothering/parenting choices.
While I wouldn't consider myself "crunchy" by any means, there are definitely things I've chosen in my parenting thus far that wouldn't fit the mainstream.
-I tried to always make my own baby food, or at the least buy organic baby food. I also give my son store brand cheap-o graham crackers and JIF PB sandwiches (w/ all those hydrogenated oils) and he got his first taste of buttercream frosting when he was six months old...before he'd even tried cereal, and he regularly shares a slice of Costco pizza and a churro with me. Yikes? I haven't given in and given him the dreaded McDonald's yet (although I ate it often enough when I was breastfeeding him that he's sort of experienced it).
-I don't let my son Cry-It-Out. I don't have anything against parents that do, it was just not for us. That doesn't mean that there aren't times that I let him fuss himself to sleep for a while...I just don't leave him to scream and cry. So I don't fit that attachment parenting "run to your child as soon as he cries" category either.
-I cloth diaper. Pretty religiously. I got rid of my front loading washing machine and "upgraded" to a basic top loader to make my cloth diapering easier. Green?? Maybe not. Practical? Considering I plan on cloth diapering all my kids, and this washer will see us through all of that, you bet.
-I plan to follow traditional Biblical discipline w/ my kids...meaning, we will spank. Obviously this isn't an immediate issue in our house, but Steven does get his hand slapped when he is doing something unsafe (outlets, fireplace, etc). That doesn't mean I don't think other forms of discipline aren't appropriate or that spanking is the only form of discipline.
The list could go on, but you get my point. And that wasn't even my point to this post and sharing the link. Rather the point was that so often in my breastfeeding journey with Steven I would feel singled out as one of those rare moms who chose to breastfeed (well, not so rare where I live currently, but outside of that yes). I felt guilty for not getting him used to using a bottle (meaning Nathan and I have had few date nights since Steven's arrival), and even got strange looks from my doctor when I hadn't stopped nursing him at a year. At the same time, I was friends with moms who wanted to be doing what I was doing and were suffering the guilt (not by me) of not being able to accomplish that for whatever reason.
I love what she says here:
I worry sometimes that if breastfeeding is perceived to be a part of the complete “natural” package we will discover some push back against it completely... If it starts feeling like it has to be all or nothing as though breastfeeding is some sort of lifestyle then for some it will be easier and less intimidating to choose nothing than to choose all and fail...Being a breastfeeding mom means she’s just that, a breastfeeding mom and whatever else she chooses to be. You don’t have to adopt all or even any of the stereotypical aspects of “those natural types” in order to be a breastfeeding mother.
So, there it is. I am a "breastfeeder". But only in that I breastfeed my children. Every other parenting decision is wholly unrelated. Perhaps it is a "natural" choice, in that it is the way nature intended it to be, but not in the lifestyle sense of the world.
Thoughts?
I am part of an online pregnancy forum that I love. There are a great bunch of ladies on there that are always willing to offer real-world mommy advice. My only miff is that it seems all to easy to get lumped into "categories" based on your mothering/parenting choices.
While I wouldn't consider myself "crunchy" by any means, there are definitely things I've chosen in my parenting thus far that wouldn't fit the mainstream.
-I tried to always make my own baby food, or at the least buy organic baby food. I also give my son store brand cheap-o graham crackers and JIF PB sandwiches (w/ all those hydrogenated oils) and he got his first taste of buttercream frosting when he was six months old...before he'd even tried cereal, and he regularly shares a slice of Costco pizza and a churro with me. Yikes? I haven't given in and given him the dreaded McDonald's yet (although I ate it often enough when I was breastfeeding him that he's sort of experienced it).
-I don't let my son Cry-It-Out. I don't have anything against parents that do, it was just not for us. That doesn't mean that there aren't times that I let him fuss himself to sleep for a while...I just don't leave him to scream and cry. So I don't fit that attachment parenting "run to your child as soon as he cries" category either.
-I cloth diaper. Pretty religiously. I got rid of my front loading washing machine and "upgraded" to a basic top loader to make my cloth diapering easier. Green?? Maybe not. Practical? Considering I plan on cloth diapering all my kids, and this washer will see us through all of that, you bet.
-I plan to follow traditional Biblical discipline w/ my kids...meaning, we will spank. Obviously this isn't an immediate issue in our house, but Steven does get his hand slapped when he is doing something unsafe (outlets, fireplace, etc). That doesn't mean I don't think other forms of discipline aren't appropriate or that spanking is the only form of discipline.
The list could go on, but you get my point. And that wasn't even my point to this post and sharing the link. Rather the point was that so often in my breastfeeding journey with Steven I would feel singled out as one of those rare moms who chose to breastfeed (well, not so rare where I live currently, but outside of that yes). I felt guilty for not getting him used to using a bottle (meaning Nathan and I have had few date nights since Steven's arrival), and even got strange looks from my doctor when I hadn't stopped nursing him at a year. At the same time, I was friends with moms who wanted to be doing what I was doing and were suffering the guilt (not by me) of not being able to accomplish that for whatever reason.
I love what she says here:
I worry sometimes that if breastfeeding is perceived to be a part of the complete “natural” package we will discover some push back against it completely... If it starts feeling like it has to be all or nothing as though breastfeeding is some sort of lifestyle then for some it will be easier and less intimidating to choose nothing than to choose all and fail...Being a breastfeeding mom means she’s just that, a breastfeeding mom and whatever else she chooses to be. You don’t have to adopt all or even any of the stereotypical aspects of “those natural types” in order to be a breastfeeding mother.
So, there it is. I am a "breastfeeder". But only in that I breastfeed my children. Every other parenting decision is wholly unrelated. Perhaps it is a "natural" choice, in that it is the way nature intended it to be, but not in the lifestyle sense of the world.
Thoughts?
I nursed Annie, but wasn't able to nurse Chanelle. I think it's a decision based on what works for you and your family. As for the other stuff, don't sweat it. Trust me, as the mother of a 19 year old, there will be much bigger things to worry about. You are a good mommy, don't let anyone make you feel differently. And hey, maybe not letting people categorize us as moms will help to teach our children to see people as they are and not try to put them in stereotypical groupings.
ReplyDeleteWhat website are you on? I use BabyCenter, and it was really great while I was pregnant, good for the first 9 months or so of the babes being out in the world, but now a lot of it is trash. I will definitely join the new birth club for the next time I am pregnant again.
ReplyDeleteOn BabyCenter, there was/is a lot of that, putting people into groups. I definitely fit in a lot more with the "Crunchies", Dane only got breast milk for the first year, no solids until 6 months, baby led solids, cloth diapers, rear-facing carseat until he's twelve, etc.
All my close friends/family were able to breastfeed, except one who tried but baby had a terrible allergy, so I definitely was not discouraged from that. I had the utmost support from my coworkers too (thank goodness, I probably would have quit if they didn't give me so much leeway to pump).
I have gotten flack for doing baby led solids, cloth diapering, and especially for going drug-free during child birth. But you know what, I am dang proud of all those things, especially the latter!
I didn't do cry it out either, though at ten months I decided to give D a few sips of water when he woke up for his night feeding of like one whooping ounce of milk, and he started sleeping through the night. Some people might think that is mean.
Sounds to me like you are doing everything right! It bugs me when people say "you are doing what is right for your family", but I do think that is BS, there are some things that just aren't right, but you and Nathan are doing awesome!
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ReplyDeleteThis is one of the reasons I left APA, the groups. I found that I fit more in the "natural family living" group, but while there I always felt I wasn't green enough to join any threads. It was kind of the same in the cloth diaper room, we use disposables at night - gasp! I've felt much more freedom to "mix and match" my parenting choices while not under the influence of one "side". We should start our own group: the "semi-crunchy-when-it-works-for-us Jesus loving moms of Thurston county"!! =)
ReplyDelete