30 Days of Thankfulness ~ Day 3
It has been a roller coaster of emotions the last few weeks for me. I am once again faced with Gestational Diabetes with this pregnancy. To keep things very short and get to the positive, it has been very hard to manage with diet and exercise alone this time around, and I am pretty confident that when I go to my midwife appointment on Tuesday they will be ever so sweetly telling me that I can no longer be in their care. This means a lot of changes late in this pregnancy - new care providers, a new birthing location (and a more distant one at that, we'll be in Tacoma instead of here in Olympia), and I'm sure other things I just don't know about yet. Some of the emotions I've been feeling the last few weeks include: confidence (Done it once I can do it again!), self-doubt (maybe this is gonna be harder than last time), deep disappointment (that's it - I've run out of options and there is nothing else I can do), hope (oh, there are more things I can try!), lonely (no one really gets what I'm going through or why I'm making the choices I am), frustration (none of this is working! I can't figure out the puzzle!), anger (why can't you just get it right, Cassie!), failure and anxiety about what lies ahead. There have been days where I rest in the hope and confidence area, and other days where I run the gamut of emotions over and over. You can imagine the toll this has taken on me emotionally not to mention the wonderful person my family has been experiencing.
But now, to the positive. I've been doing a lot of thinking, probably not enough praying, but still God has been speaking to me. During one of my early morning meetings with the elliptical this week, this song came on Pandora:
We sing this song regularly in church, but this time the lyrics spoke to me and made me start weeping in the midst of panting through my workout. Especially this verse:
You are more, You are more,
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go
and then the bridge
My heart will sing no other name, Jesus....
We've been working through the Sermon on the Mount in BSF the last few weeks. Matthew 6:25-34 really caused me to pause the last week or so. "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life...and which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?...But seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added to you...Therefore, do not be anxious for tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself..."
In light of this passage, the song above made me think about why I have no need to be anxious, or worried, or fearful, or alone, or even just plain tired. He is GOD! He is More, He is Lord, He is here with me. I can let go of this need for control and relax. Why? Because he is GREATER than anything I am facing. My health issues, my fears, my worries, are no match for His greatness. It really puts things in perspective. If God is so incredibly great, beyond anything I could ever describe with my finite words, and yet He is abounding in love to the point that He cares for even the sparrow - why do I fear? I am His child. I live in a broken world, yet He hold me in his hands. I can run into His arms and find peace, hope, joy, a reason to sing, because He is so much greater than the burden I am bearing.
Looking at Jesus this week, keeping my eyes fixed on Him, not letting myself be swayed by bad glucose readings, and feeling tired or sick, or wondering what is next has restored to me a peace I can't describe. I still feel nervous - it's the unknown - but it isn't anxiety like before. I'm resting in the knowledge that my God knows what is before me, He is great! He is good, and He will carry me through for His glory.
Today, I am thankful for the greatness of God, because in the light of His greatness, all my earthly troubles begin to fade in their intensity and weight.
"Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, 'The Lord has done great things for them.' The Lord has done great things for us; we are glad." Psalm 126:2-3 ESV
But now, to the positive. I've been doing a lot of thinking, probably not enough praying, but still God has been speaking to me. During one of my early morning meetings with the elliptical this week, this song came on Pandora:
We sing this song regularly in church, but this time the lyrics spoke to me and made me start weeping in the midst of panting through my workout. Especially this verse:
You are more, You are more,
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go
and then the bridge
My heart will sing no other name, Jesus....
We've been working through the Sermon on the Mount in BSF the last few weeks. Matthew 6:25-34 really caused me to pause the last week or so. "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life...and which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?...But seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added to you...Therefore, do not be anxious for tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself..."
In light of this passage, the song above made me think about why I have no need to be anxious, or worried, or fearful, or alone, or even just plain tired. He is GOD! He is More, He is Lord, He is here with me. I can let go of this need for control and relax. Why? Because he is GREATER than anything I am facing. My health issues, my fears, my worries, are no match for His greatness. It really puts things in perspective. If God is so incredibly great, beyond anything I could ever describe with my finite words, and yet He is abounding in love to the point that He cares for even the sparrow - why do I fear? I am His child. I live in a broken world, yet He hold me in his hands. I can run into His arms and find peace, hope, joy, a reason to sing, because He is so much greater than the burden I am bearing.
Looking at Jesus this week, keeping my eyes fixed on Him, not letting myself be swayed by bad glucose readings, and feeling tired or sick, or wondering what is next has restored to me a peace I can't describe. I still feel nervous - it's the unknown - but it isn't anxiety like before. I'm resting in the knowledge that my God knows what is before me, He is great! He is good, and He will carry me through for His glory.
Today, I am thankful for the greatness of God, because in the light of His greatness, all my earthly troubles begin to fade in their intensity and weight.
"Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, 'The Lord has done great things for them.' The Lord has done great things for us; we are glad." Psalm 126:2-3 ESV
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